“YOU are special, Luci” the big purple dinosaur said, patting the girl’s head as it lay on his lap, praying that the thick felt of his costume would hide his hard-on. In fact, Luci was special. She was fifteen years old! She was too damned old to be going to daycare and everybody knew it. I don’t care if she knew a few spanish words and could carry a tune–she was still too old to be there and I’m surprised nobody else was concerned to see her big grown ass bouncing on Barney’s lap! Come on, 90’s PBS? Where were you? Continue reading
Remember Gumby? Not the haircut, but the cartoon that inspired it. Gumby was an awesome dude. He helped people in need. He played in a band. He had lots of friends. He got the best weed. He fucked the finest bitches. Gumby even ran for President. Gumby could do just about anything! But still, Gumby had haters. The Blockheads, a duo of unoriginals who made it their mission to sabotage everything that poor Gumby wanted to do. Seldom an episode of Gumby’s adventures would take place without an appearance from the Blockheads, putting all of their energy into the destruction of Gumby instead of building themselves up. These fools would spend untold amounts of money, time, and opportunity just to ultimately fail at bringing Gumby down.
Now let’s fast forward to the present and into real life for a moment. While Gumby survives only in reruns, the Blockheads are alive and well. We all have blockheads in our lives. For some reason, these people would rather hate on us and see us fail than work on making a success story out of their own lives. There is no greater blow to a Blockhead than watching you do great things. I suggest rubbing it in. Add them to Facebook so they can gawk at your pics and status messages of how wonderful your life is. Take care of yourself. Let them see just how good the universe can be to people who are concentrating on themselves and not hating on everybody else.
And this goes for celebrity hating Blockheads as well. Do you think Rihanna gives a fuck what you think about her music video or clothing choices? Not really. She’s rich, successful, and is out there doing her thing. What are you doing? ….(Cicadas Chirping)…..Exactly. If you don’t care for a celebrity don’t support them. Go support artists that you actually like. Vote with your money instead of your mouth. If you didn’t buy their music, or watch their movies, or buy the products they endorse you might actually change something. Turn some of that hate into reform.
I bring this up because I was once a Blockhead. There were some people I hated just because they were wealthier than I was, or had more opportunities it seemed than I did. I wasted too much time on them instead of focusing on how I was going to make my dreams come true. Because in the end those people I hated on didn’t give a fuck about me or my opinion, just like they people you might hate on don’t really care about you. Stop being a Blockhead. Instead get your Gumby on.