Give it until your body breaks.

I’m a mess right now.  My ulcerated stomach hurts; the gnash-gnawing pain is keeping me up at night.  I’m living on very small sporadic meals, rice protein shakes, and vitamins.  Still, I’m taking full advantage of my weakened appetite and hitting the gym harder to lose a few pounds of fat and pull myself closer to being in perfect shape for my 30th birthday.  Kind of sick, I know.  I feel like a model that swallows a tapeworm to stay thin.  This shit stops today.  After all, I’m far too old and too dark to develop an eating disorder.

And….I lost a friend this week.  A very important and close friend.  I lost him, but he’s still alive.  Just dead to me.

Continue reading “Give it until your body breaks.”


Running. Start.

Hey.  it’s me again.

I decided to revamp this blog.  I’ve tried other blogs.  Different names.  Obscure platforms.  However, I always found myself checking in on the ole ‘fanclub.  After some thought over the course of a few years hiatus, I made the decision to come back.  So there you have it, folks.  The Steel Wool Fanclub is back.  Twelve Russian people  just leaped for joy.  Thanks.

What is the Steel Wool Fanclub?  It was once about the complicated post college time of life.  It was once about graduating college in the lows of the recession and trying to climb out of it.  However, I don’t know the definition anymore. I thought I could definte it last time, but now I realize the defining this space is not truly my responsibility.  That will form over time.  I can’t promise a lot, but I do promise to be honest and as consistent as I can.  I plan to make few edits–minimal filter.  I want to write about issues and topics important to me and hopefully that will resonate with you.

In short–I’m back, but not the same as I once was.  I’m older now, more educated and with a little more access than I had back in 2010.  I’m sure you’re reading this like..”duh, mutherfucker…I hope your broke ass is in a better place these days”…and you’re right.  But know the same snark, wit, and humor will be here.  It’s good to be back, y’all.


Music:  John Carpenter – “night” remix feat. Zola Jesus and mixed by Dean Hurley.


“YOU are special, Luci”  the big purple dinosaur said, patting the girl’s head as it lay on his lap, praying that the thick felt of his costume would hide his hard-on.  In fact, Luci was special.  She was fifteen years old!  She was too damned old to be going to daycare and everybody knew it.  I don’t care if she knew a few spanish words and could carry a tune–she was still too old to be there and I’m surprised nobody else was concerned to see her big grown ass bouncing on Barney’s lap!  Come on, 90’s PBS?  Where were you? Continue reading “EGO.”

The Blockheads

Remember Gumby?  Not the haircut, but the cartoon that inspired it.  Gumby was an awesome dude.  He helped people in need.  He played in a band.  He had lots of friends.  He got the best weed.  He fucked the finest bitches.  Gumby even ran for President.  Gumby could do just about anything!  But still, Gumby had haters.  The Blockheads, a duo of unoriginals who made it their mission to sabotage everything that poor Gumby wanted to do.  Seldom an episode of Gumby’s adventures would take place without an appearance from the Blockheads, putting all of their energy into the destruction of Gumby instead of building themselves up.  These fools would spend untold amounts of money, time, and opportunity just to ultimately fail at bringing Gumby down.

Now let’s fast forward to the present and into real life for a moment.  While Gumby survives only in reruns, the Blockheads are alive and well.  We all have blockheads in our lives.  For some reason, these people would rather hate on us and see us fail than work on making a success story out of their own lives.  There is no greater blow to a Blockhead than watching you do great things.  I suggest rubbing it in.  Add them to Facebook so they can gawk at your pics and status messages of how wonderful your life is.  Take care of yourself.  Let them see just how good the universe can be to people who are concentrating on themselves and not hating on everybody else.

And this goes for celebrity hating Blockheads as well.  Do you think Rihanna gives a fuck what you think about her music video or clothing choices?  Not really.  She’s rich, successful, and is out there doing her thing. What are you doing?  ….(Cicadas Chirping)…..Exactly.  If you don’t care for a celebrity don’t support them.  Go support artists that you actually like.  Vote with your money instead of your mouth.  If you didn’t buy their music, or watch their movies, or buy the products they endorse you might actually change something.  Turn some of that hate into reform.

I bring this up because I was once a Blockhead.  There were some people I hated just because they were wealthier than I was, or had more opportunities it seemed than I did.  I wasted too much time on them instead of focusing on how I was going to make my dreams come true.  Because in the end those people I hated on didn’t give a fuck about me or my opinion, just like they people you might hate on don’t really care about you.  Stop being a Blockhead.  Instead get your Gumby on.